I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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