I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
