Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
