Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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