I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
