the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
