dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i was born a porn star she said
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
