tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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