i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
