I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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