I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
