She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I met the friendliest cop last night
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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