So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I think I am morally bankrupt
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
