go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
