I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
