cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
