When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
