I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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