oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
