Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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