Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
