I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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