Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
