I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
