he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
