I'm lost and stupid without you.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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