Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
