Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
