Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
