hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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