TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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