Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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