All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
