i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Even my vagina gasped.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
