Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
