Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
