Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
