I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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