I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
