your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I don't deserve a penis
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
