Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
