Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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