i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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