im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
