so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
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