WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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