yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
