i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
