O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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