Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
