The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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