so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
