i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
