Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
