I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
