I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The Olympian is in my bed
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
